


MYSTERY CHOCOBO DEATHS

by tenshinokorin



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Gen, Parody, Short, bishonenink classics, ffs this fic is probably older than you are, no unsolicited concrit please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 09:30:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19292983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenshinokorin/pseuds/tenshinokorin
Summary: So, it's 1999, you're playing ffvii for the first time, trying to breed a gold chocobo, and when you don't know what a gold chocobo looks like... how can you tell if it's actually gold or not? (written circa '00)





	MYSTERY CHOCOBO DEATHS

**Kalm Tribune Times-Herald**  
June 3

**MYSTERY CHOCOBO DEATHS**

_The twelfth chocobo to wash up on nearby Jidoor Beach was found Tuesday by amateur scientists looking for materia-based sea glass. The chocobo, most recent in a string of beached birds, had apparently been washed northward in prevailing currents and, like the others that have been found since late February, seemed to be young and in good health at the time of death._

_Scientists in the Kalm area have taken the latest remains into their study and report that all the birds suffered from drowning. Many questions have been raised in the strange demise of these normally water-savvy birds. Some feel that the influence of the Giant Flaming Meteor In The Sky That Was Supposed To Fall In a Week But That Was Last April might be having some sort of confusion effects on the migration routes of wild chocobos, causing them to drive themselves into the ocean._

_Others feel some sinister activity might be the cause. Chocobo Billy, from the local Circle C Chocobo Ranch south of the materia mines, states that there has been no unusual activity or death among their chocobos, but that "a strange guy with a spiky head" had been frequenting the ranch and seemed obsessed with breeding some sort of super chocobo._

_"I heard him in the stables, talking to this weirdo vampire lookin' guy about how they were trying to get them to walk on water to find some treasure. Beats me, but they pay good money."_

_When asked if he could elaborate further, the boy refused. "'E's got a sword bigger'n' Diamond Weapon's surfboard, I ain't gonna go pissing him off. He can try and breed solid titanium aardvarks, for all I care."_

_While many witnesses have seen this man and his friends, usually walking into people's houses and taking their stuff without asking, he was unavailable for comment._

***

Cloud sat, waist-deep in ocean water, reins in hands, and scowled at the stream of bubbles from the surface of the water. He shook his head, and turned back to the party waiting expectantly on the beach.

"...I don't think this one's gold, either."


End file.
